


Manifesting you to stay

by OrangeSprout



Category: Mewgulf, เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: ...., ABO, Angst, I apologize to those who wanted a part 2 beucase this is what i'm giving you, I'm sorry i'm not sure which one this falls under, Knotting, M/M, Mentions of a Panic Attack, Mild is a Good Friend, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Pregnancy, Rimming, alphamew, alphas being alphas, angsty ending, happy first half, mentions of vomiting, omegagulf, or anxiety attack...., slick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:28:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29205873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrangeSprout/pseuds/OrangeSprout
Summary: Part 2 to Manifesting it, if you will.
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Comments: 11
Kudos: 95





	Manifesting you to stay

**Author's Note:**

> [Part 1](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28997763)
> 
> I am really sorry to those who wanted a super soft story with sweet love and stuff. I really wanted to write that. Like I really did. but someone the plot goblins in my head said this. This is what you want to write and I'm sad about it... Just a little bit devastated about it.
> 
> I also wanted to touch on a concept that's not talk about in mlm fics often (or much if at all) and I guess that's for a reason, fics are for please reading - enjoyment. but I also think it's a real thing and as many reads of mlm fics tend to be females I think it's an important topic. 
> 
> Miscarriage that is. I want to preface by saying that this is one portrayal of what the situation might look like it is by no means the only way that it might happen. It is different for everyone and everyone has different pain through and after it. I hope everyone who has experienced it has found peace after the traumatic event, it may never be something you can fully get over but I hope peace finds you.
> 
> Please be advised about the Warning: Miscarriage and Blood
> 
> This is part 2 to 'Manifesting it, if you will'
> 
> I didn't want to put these two parts together because there are VERY different in tones and themes. The first part is light and fun and this part is not and I felt it better to put them as separate parts.
> 
> also, I didn't mention in the first fic but I wanted to mention it for this one that Gulf pregnancy symptoms as arousal which happens sometimes as well. Not everyone gets morning sickness but it is common and I don't know why but Gulf only symptoms are being horny. It's not really important to the plot, I just wanted to state it.

Gulf lips are still pouted, cheeks still salty as Mew drops a few kisses over them.

“Alpha,” Gulf coos softly pulling Mew between his legs. “Since I’m already pregnant..”

Mew lets his hand slide under Gulf's shirt, cupping his chest to play with perky nipples. Gulf arches into his hands as he pinches them. So beautiful and receptive. 

They fall back into the couch as Mew pushes Gulf shirt up to kiss on his belly, the heated skin feels tight under his lips as Gulf squirms.

“What do you want baby?” He asks softly when Gulf whines, canting his hips.

“Knot,” He whines desperately, hands pulling at Mew's face until their lips are almost touching, “I want you to knot so fucking bad.”

Mew purrs at the wave of arousal he smells, so intense and needy. Gulf lips attack his, hands tugging at his pants. 

“Take’em off phi” Gulf wiggles under his lips torn between their kiss and whining about Mew not being fast enough, “Hurry up.”

Mew chuckles, his alpha seeping through as he grabs Gulf's hands stopping their movement. “When did you become such a needy brat?”

Gulf snorts disbelievingly, hands trying to wiggle out of Mew's grip.

“Think you can just push out your pheromones and get whoever you want.”

Gulf looks up at him through his lashes, “Can’t I?”

Mew falters. Yes. Yes, he can. 

“Do you not want me now...” Gulf head tips to the side, his soft fluffy hair ruffled over his forehead. He looks so soft. Then the sadness appears in his eyes, fear, and doubt. Mew sees the emotion running through his eyes. “Now that I’m ...”

Well, this wasn’t the direction he thought they were going. He quickly tries to rectify the mood, “Of course, that’s not what I meant baby I’m sorry.”

Gulf's smile turns sly, as he looks off to the side, “So I can get whatever I want..?”

Mew doesn’t catch it, it’s obviously a ploy and he falls into it so easily. “Of course baby. Whatever you want.”

Gulf kicks his lips, tugging in his hair until their noses press together, lips bumping as he talks. “I want you to dick me hard and give me your knot.”

And who was he to say no?

Gulf is quick to remove their clothes, his eagerness is seeping into their kiss. Mew pushes back, positions him so his ass is in the air, face into the sofa.

"Hurry up alpha, I-" Mew licks a long strip between his cheeks. The slick taste sweet, sweeter than normal, creamier. Fuck pregnancy taste good on Gulf. He laps at the hole, urging it for more slick. Tongue dig deeper and deeper. The taste and the smell and the feel of Gulf under him is so good. So soft and plaint. So needy. Gulf moans and whines muffled into the couch. He feels patting on the side of his head and Gulf's hand is struggling to get a grip on his shoulder.

"What baby?" Gulf gasps as he turns to look at him over his shoulder. He's all flushed and sweaty.

"Not enough. more. please more."

He looks down at the glistening dripping hole; all pink and twitching. He leans in to nip around the rim before giving and deep thrust with his tongue. Gulf clenches, twitching around, trying to suck him up further. Gulf's dick is leaking onto the couch below him and Mew knows that it'll be annoying to clean up later but he could care less as Gulf pleads louder for his dick.

He thumbs over the hole, pressing into it before pulling those tender cheeks apart. He rubs his dick between them a few times until Gulf pushes back.

"Alpha."

He positions himself and sinks into the tight heat. Gulf keens at the feeling. He debates on going slow and brings Gulf up slowly because Gulf deserves the tender care after crying earlier but he can't bring himself to go slow once he starts. He bends over to mouth at Gulf shoulder, holding his waist as he snaps into him.

Gulf ' _harder' 'faster'_ between little breathy hitches and moans were enough to keep his hips snapping at a quick pace. His alpha coming forward as his knot plumps up. Gulf is already pregnant with his pup. _His pup_. He wants to fill him fully, keep full, stuff him all that's left is Mew scent, Mew essence from top to bottom. No one would ever wonder, there would be no doubt. _HIs_.

"Gonna be so big and round." He mutters into Gulf's neck, "You like that baby, like being so completely full of me."

Mew snaps his hips, the pace getting more erratic as his knot stretches Gulf abused rim wider and wider with each thrust. Gulf writhing under him, hands pressing against the arm of the couch for leverage.

"Alpha please." He stroke Gulf's cock in time with his thrust until he's cum over Mew's hand and the couch. His body laxes in Mew's hold and Mew takes the chance to punch his knot through, locking them together. Gulf cries out, curling into himself as he whimpers at the painful stretch. Mew thrust through his orgasm, letting jets of his cum fill up Gulf. 

Mew hand cupping the tight belly, Gulf whimpers. He tilts his head to kiss Mew, it's soft compared to their motions moments ago. Gulf's hands fist in his hair to keep him there as they kiss until they've calmed down.

Mew pulls him up into his lap, his knot keeping them together as Gulf leans again this chest. Mew had rubs over his belly, touching the almost nonexistent baby bump. Gulf hand covers his. 

Mew drops a kiss to Gulf's shoulder as he watches the play of emotions play across his face. Some shift through before Mew can name them while others linger in hard lines over his face. Mew sees doubt and fear run across a few times, happiness, acceptance. Gulf settles on something somber, eyes rimmed red. Mew presses his face into Gulf's neck hoping to help him.

He scents him, something slow at first. Hand tubing over his tummy soothingly.

He wonders what Gulf's decision will be. They only have a few options. To get rid of it. The thought causes his grip to tighten around Gulf who sense his distress. Gulf shifts to nuzzle at his cheek. He wants kids, he planned to have them in the future. When they had a place of their own, rooms to spare and their life sorted out. He wanted to plan it out so he could take time off work to be with Gulf and the baby, maybe a year or so.

He wasn’t in a position to do that now. Gulf really wasn’t either but he would have to take a bit of time off to have the baby if he kept it.

Gulf could have the baby and then adopt it out, which wasn’t ideal but they could watch it grow up from afar. Being happy and healthy.

Gulf scent filters through his nose as he registers that Gulf was sobering him back. Their scents mingled together so pleasantly. He loved the way their scents matched so well together. He hated when they were apart for too long at the scent faded away.

The last option was his favorite, the one he hoped for. Gulf keeps it and they raise it. Together as a family.

He can already imagine Gulf belly all-around and stuffed. Waddling around the house with the pregnancy glow about him. His dick twitched (his heart felt lighter than air) at the thought of how beautiful his mate was and would be.

Gulf's lips brushed over his cheek in question.

“I love you.” He says, not sure which emotion was pushing forward. He wanted Gulf to want it as much as he did but he would have to wait. Wait until Gulf sorted through it.

He wouldn't push him but damn if he didn't want Gulf to want it just as much. He wasn't even sure how he would cope if Gulf didn't. He would because he loved Gulf and he couldn't live without Gulf... but he was so afraid about how this would change their relationship.

If Gulf would have just listened and taken his birth control and suppressants. He sighs, no point dwelling in the past. Gulf stared at him looking lost, lips trembling.

"I will always love you." He says firmly.

* * *

“I’ve decided.” 

Mew hears the voice say muffled under mound legs of pillows. His consciousness tugs at him pulling him to awareness. The pillow is removed from his face and he tries to blink his eyes open but there crusted over. 

His hand reaches out for Gulf but all he’s met with is blankets. Fuck he’s sweating, he kicks his foot out from under the blankets. It takes him a few tries before he manages to feel the relief of cool air against his foot. He sighs at the feeling.

“Don’t you care?” Mew can hear the pout in Gulf's voice. He pries his eyes open, blinking into the darknesses. He can see the vague outline of Gulf form hover over him.

“I care.” He croaks out as his eyes slide back shut. What did he care about again?

“I’ve decided,” Gulf says with determination. “That’ll keep it as long as I can call it moo ka-prao”

Mew groans arm wiggling out from under the covers until he can pull Gulf back to his chest. “No.”

“Why not?” Gulf whines, poking his side before falling face-first into the pillow beside him.

“We’re not naming our kid your favorite food.” 

Gulf huffs into the pillow. Mew shifts under the blankets and pillows (purposely pushing some off the bed, he need cool air) to pull his love close, nosing at the spot under his ear before placing a sleepy kiss there.

“I want to love it though,” Gulf says a few moments later. Mew has to drag himself back out of the floaty feeling asleep to fully register the words.

“If you want to love it you will.” He says before squeezing Gulf. Gulf lets out a tiny noise of protest. 

* * *

Mew walks into the kitchen the next morning and Gulf is surprisingly already awake. He's leaning against the counter hand rubbing at his side and belly.

"Gulf?" Gulf stiffens before his hands drop to his side, he turns to stare at Mew with a soft morning grin. His hair pushed back like he's been running a hand through it. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah," Gulf gives him a tiny chuckle, grimace scrawls over his face before he wipes it away. "Just couldn't sleep that's all."

Mew wraps his arms around him, rubbing at his belly. "You in pain?"

Gulf lets out a sigh of relief before shaking his head. Mew knew he was lying, it was blatantly obvious. Why didn't Gulf want to tell him?

* * *

"Hey Mild." Mew swivels in his chair. His office at work was cluttered with instruments and posters and stacks of organized papers. He liked his office at home better, sure it was smaller but it held his favorite guitar and Mew had plastered the walls with pictures of him and Gulf. There was an upsetting lack of pictures of Gulf in this room.

"What did you do to Gulf?" The question was teasing but he still felt the dreed anchor in his stomach.

"What you mean?"

Mild chuckles, "He said his stomach was feeling good and he's limping. I teased him about being pregnant but he snapped at me. He's never-" Mild goes silent for a moment then his voice gets a bit softer. "He seems upset about something and I've never seen him like this. He didn't want to talk about it though."

"I'm sorry Mild." He apologized for Gulf. He already knew Gulf would feel guilty about snapping. 

"It's fine, I know he didn't mean to. He's never like that. I'm just worried and he's more silent than usual today."

Mew gulped, hand tapping incessantly at his desk. Something was up. Was it just Gulf stressing out about being pregnant. It's only been a few days since the news so it was still fresh.

"I'll check up on him later tonight." Mew can feel Mild worry through the phone, he gets it. "Maybe we can get dinner together sometime soon, it'll be nice to catch up."

Mild lets out a noise of approval. "Yeah, sounds great. Hey Mew."

Mew hums.

"If you guys need anything, you know I'm here right?"

Happiness settles in him, he was happy to have a friend like Mild. "Thanks, Mild."

* * *

Gulf comes home that night looking peeved and upset but mostly non-verbal. He grunts out a hello, kisses Mew on the lips before shuffling off to take a shower. In a strange turn of events goes to bed right after as well. Mew has to check the clock four times before he'll believe that it's only eight in the evening and Gulf has willing went to bed.

Mew throws some pillows off the bed to dig Gulf out from under the nest, his hair is still damp, cheeks a little flushed from the heat.

"Baby?" He kisses his cheek to rouse him. Gulf makes a noise of acknowledgment deep in his throat, hand searching for Mew until he cups his cheek, eyes still closed. "Everything ok?"

Gulf nods, their foreheads bumping as he does.

"It's still pretty early, are you sure?" Gulf eyes peel open and Mew can see pain swirling in them.

"My stomach.. is just..." Gulf hand curls in the hair at the nape of his neck, He gulps before easing out the words, "It just hurts."

Mew shuffles into the bed, sliding beside him to rub his belly. "Is it bad?"

The hand in his hair tightens almost painfully for a few beats before it relaxes, Mew can feel the muscles under his hand contracting at the same time. Gulf breathes out.

"It's .. fine, just tired." Mew stays there and lets Gulf drift off, every so often he can feel the contracting under his palm as he tries to soothe it. He nuzzles close hoping his scent and his touch would help.

Gulf doesn't mention anything the next morning but he seems a little brighter. Mew scents him extra hard, peppering kisses over his neck to hear the tiny giggles before he lets him go to work for the day.

* * *

Gulf kicks open his office door, the handle hitting the wall with a thud. Gulf winces and Mew throws him a tiny glare with no heat behind it. He might hate it when Gulf slams the door open like that but he can't be mad at Gulf. He's too cute. 

“Sorry,” Gulf says but he doesn’t sound sorry as he shuffles across the room and pushes into Mew's space.

Mew moves away from his desk enough for Gulf to plop into his lap, arms curling around his neck. “Come to the event with me.”

Mew kisses his head, It feels a little bit warmer than usual. Is he sick? “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just come with me,” Gulf says sternly, fingers plucking at Mew's shirt in that timid tiny sort of way he does.

“I have a meeting. I can drop you off and pick you up afterward.”

“No.” 

Mew pinches the puffed-out cheek. Gulf grumbles sticking his tongue out to lick at his fingers. “Is there a reason you want me to go with you?”

“I want you there.” Gulf lips puff out in a pout, eye all big and pleading. “I thought you would do anything for me. I’m pregnant with your child.”

Mew rolls his eyes, rubbing big a hand over Gulf's back. “If there's a valid reason that you need me there I will be.” 

“Is ' _because I want you there_ ' not a valid enough for you. Alpha?”

Mew growls at the sassy tone, irritation simmering right under his voice. “Gulf.”

Gulf sighs, slouching in his lap as he stares back with eyes back to pleading. “I just want you close by.”

Mew sighs, the tension in his body melting away. He would love nothing more than to stay permanently glued to Gulf at all times, especially now that he smells like the perfect combination of their scents with the slight hint of sweet cream from the pregnancy. It’s an addictively good smell. But he also has a company to run. “I know baby. But-“

“Fine.” Gulf snaps suddenly, pushing off Mew slap. “I didn’t need you anyway. I’m a strong independent omega, I don’t need an alpha.”

Mew sighs as the door closes a bit too roughly for Gulf not to be mad at him. He pinches the bridge of his nose as he debates if it was feasible to back out of the meeting right now without a valid reason. He probably could. He can already hear his assistant nagging about rescheduling especially at how much of a pain it was already to get a meeting scheduled in the first place. He let out a long sigh. He really couldn't if he wanted to keep his schedule in line.

Mew walks down the hallway, shirt clutched in his hand. Gulf was slipping into his shoes by the door, P'Best in the parking lot waiting for him. Mew could tell by the lack of all-encompassing delicious smelling scent that Gulf had already put on a scent neutralizing patch. He hated but it was needed. The only people who knew about them were people that needed to know. They were still an open secret as far as the rest of the world knew. He tried not to think too hard on it or else he'd want to broadcast it so Gulf didn't have to cover up with a patch and everyone could smell that he was mated.

“Tue ang?” Gulf hums in response as he checks to make sure he had everything. Still visibly peeves that Mew wasn't joining.

Mew holds out the shirt. Gulf looks it over skeptically before slowly taking it as if he’s a deer being watched by a predator.

“Why are you giving me this?”

“Since I won’t be there. This is the next best thing.” Mew smiles empathetically. It’s beneficial for them both. The more of his alpha scent that’s in the Gulf the calmer the omega would feel when he wasn’t around. Plus if Gulf wore it under his clothes others should be able to smell alpha without really detaching it and Mew knows it should deter more away from trying to hit on his omega. Or at least that's what he's going to pretend will happen so he doesn't constantly worry. He has a meeting that needs his full attention.

Gulf blinks down at the shirt in his hands, he opens and closes his mouth a few times before pulling it to his nose. He takes a big sniff (letting out a tiny little sigh of contentment) and pulls it tight to his chest. Cute.

“Will that be alright?” Mew had been wearing the undershirt most of the morning so his scent was saturated into the material. “You can wear it under your event clothes if you want.”

“Oh, I want.” Gulf snaps. Mew smiles even wider and puckers his lips. A peace offering. Gulf leans in slowly and drops a quick kiss, a small smile playing over his lips as he leans back.

Mew gives him a kiss then another because the smile was too cute. “Do you want me to get you afterward?”

“Hmm, I was thinking about going to the after-party.” Mew narrowed his eyes and Gulf gives him a sly smile. “Maybe let an alpha take home and bang me against the wall... if he’s good.”

“I’ll pick you up.”

“No, I don’t want to inconvenience you,” The teasing smile grew, Gulf usings the shirt to hide his smile, “I know your too busy to join me today.”

Mew can’t help the instinctual response as his alpha surfaces, growling deep in his chest. Gulf laughs as he waves. Mew watches until he hops into the car with P’Best and continues to watch until he’s gone from sight. 

He sighs before heading back inside to get ready for the meeting.

Mild texts him later.

**Mild** : I've captured Gulf to go with me to the after-party.

 **Mild:** It's lonely without another omega there to keep me company

 **Mild** : I'll drop him off afterward, safe and sound before his curfew.

Mew laughs at the kissing emoji mild sent at the end.

**Mew:** I thought your curfew was earlier than his

**Mild:** It is 

**Mild** : But I like the punishment for being late.

The spam of stickers after makes him laugh but also reminds him of a Gulf.

They should really hang out sometimes soon, he misses Mild.

* * *

Gulf catches a whiff of Mew's scent from the undershirt every so often. It’s nice, not a substitute for Mew but it’s good enough. He’s been feeling clingy lately which at first he was startled and perturbed by the emotions but he’s settled into it. It was easier to settle into the feelings once he realized it was probably the pregnancy hormones running amuck inside him. He pats absently at his tummy. His stomach gave a small ache.

It has been happening more frequently lately. At first, he thought he wasn't eating right but then it changed when he found out about the pregnancy, that maybe it was the baby. It's just that the past couple of days had been rough. Like his stomach was clenching so tight and his muscles were trying to break themselves apart. 

He had decided it was just pregnancy pain and never worried enough to mention it to Mew. It was bad enough for a doctor's visit. Sometimes maybe it did get pretty bad but it passed relatively quickly. 

It's just he was too caught up in wondering if he wanted to keep the baby or not that the thought of the pain being something serious, escaped him. He needed to settle his mind and talk about it with Mew. He knew Mew was aching to talk about it. He knew Mew wanted to keep it.

Mew had often talked about getting a house and raising kids together but it had always been a distant dream, defiantly not something that he thought about. He wasn't even sure that he wanted kids. He thinks he might.

He should -they should- really talk about it. He just isn’t ready yet. Like something in the back of his head keeps telling him if he just pretends that’s he’s not pregnant he will be unpregnant. Which is ridiculous. 

Mild ushers him to the after-party, he honestly can’t remember too much of the event. He was stuck in his head most of the night, thoughts ranging from ' _he was ready to keep the baby_ ' to ' _He just wants to go home and pretend the world doesn't exist as long as he's in Mew's arms_ '. It left little room for important thoughts he should be having, like making connections for future jobs. He really should be doing that.

Mild thankfully does most of the talking for him. He's an extravert anyways and thrives under these environments, much like Mew does. He ducks his head to his collar to catch Mews scent from the undershirt.

Hmm, Mew. He could really use some aggressive loving against a wall right now to clear his head. He wants Mews lips on his neck, those big hands on his ass, and that thick-

“You look good tonight.” A voice says from beside him. He pushes those thoughts aside and smiles back companionably. 

“Thank you,” He recites the brand and creator's name, complimenting them, as he's supposed to at these things. The guy seems impressed. Gulf's eyes search for Mild and find him at another circle of people, laughing and talking. He's not too far away.

“You here alone?” The guy asks and Gulf turns back to him, finally looking at him. Alpha, tall handsome, and he’s pretty sure that he’s worked with him at a runway show before.

“Yeah, seems that way.” He chuckles looking back at Mild, wondering if he should just make his way over to him or try and fend for himself out in the horde. He needed to talk to a few people to feel accomplished for the night.

“I can keep you company if you want?” It was a polite question and Gulf smiled politely back. “I’m Great, nice to meet you.”

“Gulf.” Great's hand was warm, too warm and the handshake leaned more towards uncomfortably tight than comradery.

Great's eyes racked over his body for a moment before Gulf pulls away with an awkward laugh. He doesn't really like this alpha's gaze but it doesn't feel harmful just invasive. A waiter stops by them with champagne glasses and he declines the offer with a shake of his head. Great takes one sending him an odd stare.

Gulf gets it, it is weird not seeing a drink someone's hand at one of these things. 

“Not drinking?” It was a simple question and Gulf very easily could have answered ‘I'm with child’ or ‘I’m pregnant’ and that would have been a reasonable reason but he wasn’t comfortable yet with it. They weren't open about it. They weren't even really 'open' about their relationship.

“Nah, trying to make some connections for you know, future stuff. Best if I stay sober.” 

Great sipped his champagne and Gulf stuffs his hands in his pockets, eyes searching out anyone else he could go to to get out of this awkward interaction.

There, on the other side of the room, was an executive that he had been meaning to talk to. He uses the opportunity to take his leave. 

"It was nice meeting you, I'm going to head over there and rub elbows with a few people." He said, using a term he'd heard Mew say before. it sounded professional and casual.

"Sure, catch you later." Great says with a tip of his head. Gulf pat at his belly, as it turned inside him. Giving him a squeeze and he couldn't tell if it was nerves or a run-off pain from the past couple of days.

He felt the eyes that lingered on him a he made his way across the room, they were uncomfortable but he did his best to ignore them. He was probably just overthinking it too, the room was packed there was no reason for Great to still be watching him.

\--

“Khun June, Your events are always spectacular,” Gulf motions to the room and the executive laughs. He'd been doing well so far, but Khun June was flushed from the alcohol and had been eyes him similarly to Great earlier. He was an omega so he was used to the stares from Beta and Alphas, sure he let the executives do it longer because it helped. Didn't mean he liked it. His stomach clenched.

“Keep talking like that and I might just invite you myself to one.” Gulf preens, getting a personal invitation from an executive was big. Especially Khun June who was one of the heads of a conglomerate.

"It would be an honor to receive something like that from... you." He smiles, tilting his head in a sweet way. Khun June looks him over.

"For a pretty little thing like you, I'm sure I could find an invitation." He pats Gulf's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. Gulf tries not to stiffen under the touch as he smiles.

"June." Khun June leans back to look over Gulf shoulder. "Looks like we'll have to cut this discussion short." He pulls out a business card a slides it into Gulf's chest pocket with a pat. "Give me a call and we can continue later."

Gulf watches him walk away stiffly. He was under no impression that wasn't the language of a booty call for rich people. Gross. But at least he's in Kun Junes good graces so that's a start. Maybe he could get Mew to help him set some sort of meeting and maybe get some work out of it.

“Looks like you made an impression.” Gulf jumps at the voice, Great smiles as he looks over his shoulder.

“Yeah.” He shoves his hands in his pockets to stop himself from rubbing his belly that was twisting and turning almost as bad as it had been a few days ago.

"Pretty with soft lips, just his type." Great says knowingly, checking him out. He steps back. He doesn't like the feeling at all. 

"So I've heard."

"Must be nice."

Gulf grimaces and not from the pain in his stomach either. "What are you implying?"

Great shrugs, eyes traveling over Gulf's body again. "Nothing. Just saying, it must be nice."

“I’m going to get some air,” Gulf says blankly before side-stepping Great to get to the back doors that left to a patio. He didn't even want to try and think about the implications. Of course, he knew what they were. It was obvious. Booty calls for the rich used very deceptive language.

The fresh air is nice, cool, and refreshing. He hadn't realized how saturated the room had been with everyone's scents -even with the mandatory scent patches everyone was wearing- until he was out of it. He slips his fingers through the buttons of his shirt rubbing his belly under the undershirt. He catches Mew's scent again and smiles.

Would Mew still want him when he was fat? He thinks. A thought that has rattled his brain for the last week now. When his stomach was all puffed out because of the baby? When he was tired and cranky? Would Mew still want him after he was all used up and the baby had arrived?

Mew has always been the fit one between the two, going to the gym regularly, keeping up with his health. Mew has biceps and pecks and sometimes the faint outline of abs. Gulf didn’t. He was soft and squishy. He kept fit enough through football and proper diet for photoshoots but he wouldn't be able to maintain a photoshoot ready body when the baby started to show. His hand pressed into his stomach. 

Mew was already way out of his league. But maybe he needed to keep the baby, to show Mew that he was worth something in the relationship. His fingers tap absently at his stomach.

Mew always showed that he loved him, gave him all the kisses he wanted. Snuggled him. Bent to his will. But what if it was just because he was an omega. Not because he was Gulf. Wouldn't it only be right if Gulf gave back to Mew? He deserved it. Gulf clenched and until clenched his hand over his stomach.

He takes a deep breath, maybe it’s time to go home. He has nothing left in him to continue trying to talk to anyone and he's feeling lost and confused. He needs Mew. He needs Mew in so many ways. He needs his comfort, his arms around him, his rumbling tone as they talk quietly to each other. He could go for some mind-numbing sex right now too. Or if his brain could pick a struggle that would wonderful.

He could call Mew up and get the older alpha to pick him up. He knows Mew would drop everything to do it too. Probably con car sex out of him. He winces thinking about the last time they had car sex and he almost gave himself a concussion from hitting his head on the roof of the car.

Or he could just tease Mew by rubbing his leg and kissing his jaw on the drive home until they were both worked up and Mew took him hard against the front door. He thoroughly enjoyed wall sex with Mew because it allowed him to watch those muscles that Mew worked so hard for. Bulging and throbbing as slammed Gulf into the wall. He loved the ache in his back and hips from the pressure against the wall. The fingerprints on the back of his thighs from Mew's grip. 

He was so horny for Mew again. He sniffed at the undershirt, toes curling in his shoes. 

He needed to think about something else otherwise he might attract unwanted attention. He didn’t bring any extra scent patches (which he realizes now is a mistake on his part). Now his brain was a garble of horny thoughts and sad ones and he couldn't stick to one long enough to frame an emotion. He was worried someone would find him out here and smell his distress or his arousal. He's not sure which would make him feel more comfortable. Neither really but they were definitely going to smell one of them if he could control his thoughts.

“Feeling ok?” Gulf can’t help the annoyance he felt at the voice. He was trying to be polite. Maybe Great hadn’t smelled that he was mated because of all the other scents into the room. But he had to smell it now. Although he feared the alpha might smell his arousal with the hand that ends up on his lower back.

“Fine.” He says clipped, “Just tired.” Moving his hand for his stomach to stuff them into his pockets. The only safe place for them tonight it seems. He takes a step away and the hand falls from him.

“Want me to take you home?” It should have been a nice friendly question but the way his eyes flashed Gulf knew it was anything but. Maybe in his younger years, before Mew, he might have taken up on the offer but he’s long past that stage in his life.

He’s hit with a weird mix of feelings. Arousal, nausea, a weird primal urge to shout to the world that he’s taken. The feeling hits him hard and he takes a step back, breathing through his nose. The alpha’s scent is stronger now and he has a feeling that’s what’s triggered him. The bout of nausea hits him and he gulps a few times to settle the feeling. 

“No thank you,” He answers curtly, stepping towards the door, the back of his hand moving to cover his nose. A hand catches his pulling it away from his face, nausea hits hard again and he feels the burn in the back of his throat. The alpha smell more intense now. This alpha either didn't smell it or didn't care that Gulf was taken but he clearly wasn't taking the hint that Gulf didn't want him.

“Don’t be silly, you look a little pale. Let me help you.” His voice is friendly and kind. Gulf stomach does gymnastics, clenching, and twisting. He's pretty sure he's going to puke if he doesn't get away from the smell.

“I’m taken already,” Gulf says finally. Seeing as Great seems to be ignoring the smell on him. Great sniffs before shrugging. Fucking alpha.

“I’m just trying to be nice.” He says slowly, fingers tightening around Gulf's wrist. “I’m sure your alpha wouldn’t mind ... the help.”

Gulf bristles, what the hell was that supposed to mean. “'The help' _with what_?”

Great smirks, stepping into Gulf's space. “You smell needy, maybe like he can’t give you all you want. He’s left you to fend for yourself. I can help.”

Gulf feels the anger rise up with the bile in his throat. He growls smacking his hand out of Great's grip. “Fuck you.” He yells.

Great seems startled at his outburst. Good. He should be.

“Fuck you. I'm not some whore that gets tossed around by his alpha. I'm needy because I'm pregnant.” His voice is loud, not a yell but loud enough that he can hear the silence that follows in great juxtaposition.

Great's eyes widen, flying down to his stomach. 

“You’re pregnant.”

Gulf's head whips around to see Mild standing in the doorway. There's a more prominent silence now as he realizes that many of the people inside might have heard his outburst. He thinks he might die right there.

Mild looks behind them then back at Gulf before grabbing his wrist. Gulf lets himself be tugged across the room, through the throng of people sending glances his way. Mild typing away with his free hand.

He feels panicked. No scratch that he is panicked. He's teetering on the edge of a full-blown panic attack and he can't breathe. His stomach is trying to remove itself from his body through his belly button or his ass, honesty he can't tell from the pain.

People will know and he hasn’t even decided. People will know and talk and they haven’t even announced to the world that they’re together. Because their relationship was there’s and no one else needed to know. But they would know and it's because of Gulf. He was supposed to keep it a secret. 

He lets out a shuttered gasping breath as he settles into Mild's car. His whole body felt like it was a tight rope waiting for the final straw to snap completely. It smelled like Mild and his alpha in the car and it makes Gulf sentimental and his eyes burn with unshed tears. He wants Mew. He takes another forceful breath as his heart beats wildly in his chest.

“So...” Mild starts softly as the car begins the journey presumably to his and Mew's place. “...Pregnant.”

There’s something in the way that Mild says it that makes Gulf sniffle. It's a wonder he hasn't started balling already. Then his stomach turns and he can't hold it in anymore. “Stop. Stop. Please stop the car.”

Mild sends him a concerned look as he covers his mouth. As soon as the car slows down enough Gulf wrenches open the door and all of the contents in his stomach evacuate. He gags, spitting a few times. He vaguely feels a hand patting his back.

Finally, he pushes himself back up into the seat, and Mild hands him some water. He rinses his mouth and spits it out the door. He gives a few heavy breaths before he looks over to Mild.

“Ok, I’m ok.” Mild waits a few more minutes in silence before pulling back into traffic. Gulf feels a little bit better, if by only a fraction. It feels like the calm before the storm.

“How long have you known?” 

Gulf feels guilty now, mixing in with everything else. He still isn’t sure he wants it. His hand presses into his stomach. “I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

Why do the words feel so mean? Maybe it’s the look of disbelief and resignation on Mild face. He presses his hand further in on his stomach until it aches. He bites his lip as his eyes burn so much he has to close his eyes. The silence hurts and it's his fault but he can't. He can't right now. He doesn't know if he'll ever be able to.

Mew meets them at the door but Gulf brushes past him to get inside. He can hear Mild and Mew talking as he makes his way to the bathroom. 

He shucks off his clothes flinging them in a pile in front of the bathroom door. He turns the water on scalding hot as he sinks to the ground. His hands pressing painfully into his stomach. The tears fall now, big and round down his cheeks like they could drown him. He hates them. 

The disappointment on Mild face. It hurt. The shock on Great's face. Serves him right but it still felt like he was outed into telling a secret he wasn’t ready to tell. He felt violated on his privacy. He can still feel the weight of the glances as he left the after-party. 

His hands dig into his hair. People would know. People would know about him and Mew. What would happen to Mew's career? He bites his knee to stop the sob from escaping. He’s ruined it. He didn't know what he was doing but he managed to ruin the only thing he had. It was all this stupid baby's fault.

His chest hurt like there was someone stepping on his lungs. He gasps around the flesh of his knee, water pelting down on him. Everyone would know.

Mew's career would suffer and he would want to leave Gulf. Would he break their bond? He was pregnant too. He would have to give the baby up, he couldn’t take care of it without Mew. Or would Mew take it from him? 

Would it hurt when Mew broke the bond? Could he live without him?

His anger boiled inside him, his fist clenched in his hair so painfully tight. No, he couldn't. He could live without him because Mew meant so much to him. Mew was going to look at him with such disgust. Why couldn’t he keep a secret? What was wrong with him?

He gasps as his stomach cramped painfully.

His hand raised in the air, fist clenched tight. He pants as he stares down at his stomach. It was his fault for this mistake. His hands swung down at himself, but right before it landed on his stomach he shifted and hit his hip bone. He hissed at the pain. He does it again, letting an angry growl out at his fist hits his hip. His head hit the tile on the wall as his nails dug into his skin.

“Gulf.” Mew's voice was muffled by the door, followed by a few soft knocks.

Gulf felt his body clench, he sat up straighter. He gulped a few times trying to draw back in his pheromones so Mew wouldn’t smell his pain. 

“‘M fine.” He calls back but he can barely hear himself over the water so he hopes Mew can. There’s silence again and he curls back into a ball pressing his face into his knees. He tries to breathe, the water splashes into his mouth, salty from his tears.

He jumps at the hand on his shoulder growling as he looks up into Mew's concerned eyes. He’s kneeling in front of him, water soaking through his shirt and sweat pants.

Gulf doesn’t know what to say but he feels so much, too much to even describe as a sob burst out of him. Mew turns off the water and pulls him close. 

Gulf makes to grab the back of Mew's shirt but the fabric feels itchy under his palms, feels like guilt and he pulls away, tucking his hand around himself instead.

He can hear Mew whispering to him but the sound is like white noise. His stomach feels like a void and he thinks he might have to puke again. A hand cup his face tilting it up.

"Gulf your bleeding." Mew sounds frantic, shaking him to gain his attention. "What happened? Gulf?"

What was he supposed to say? Nothing happened. Everything happened and soon people would know. His heart was bleeding but that was emotional. He looks down and then spots the red blending down into the drain. He was bleeding.

"Gulf? Where are you hurt? Gulf baby please." Now Mew looks panicked, eyes wild as his hand's search over Gulf's body for any wounds. 

"I'm sorry." Gulf pushes at Mew's chest, wiping his nose with his knuckle. 

"Why baby?" Mew pat his hair, he still sounded scared. 

"I accidentally told everyone. I didn't mean to." Mew pulls him back to his chest, hands rubbing over his back. "I'm so sorry, they're all going to know. I don't want you to hate me telling them. It was an accident."

Mew rocks him softly, "It's ok Gulf I promise. We'll talk about it later."

"It's not ok."

"It is. It is ok." Mew pressed a tense kiss to his head. "You bleeding Gulf. Where are you hurt?"

"I don't know." Mew lets out a heavy breath and Gulf feels the weight of it.

"Ok, Let's get you to the hospital." Gulf shakes his head but Mew pulls him upright. Mew wraps a towel around him quickly drying him off. Mew looks like cold calm ice with a river flowing underneath. That if Gulf made one wrong move the ice would break and he'd be swept away. Or Mew would. he wasn't sure.

Mew helped him dress, wrapping a blanket around him as well before helping him into the car. Gulf felt.. well he didn't know. The pain in his stomach felt better, not nearly as bad as before. Hoesntly he thinks if he waits it'll be gone completely. It seems excessive to go to the hospital for just a little bit of blood. Though he hadn't really been paying attention to how much it was but it couldn't have been that much. 

He wanted to tell Mew that he was overreacting but every time he looked over to Mew and saw his rigid posture, white knuckles on the steering wheel, he couldn't bring himself to open his mouth. He'd seen Mew mad a few times, not the kind of mad that leaves him sulking cutely but the kind of mad that really shows off that he's an alpha. One that feels pressing and domineering. That made people fear his wrath.

It wasn't often that Mew gets that way and even less in the presence of Gulf. He sinks further in the seat, pulling the blanket tighter and for once he almost couldn't stand the smell of his mate on the fabric.

Mew didn't wait in the room with him as the doctor checked him out. 

"Your partner said you were bleeding." The doctor asks, pulling on gloves as she walks over. "Mind telling me where and what happened?"

Gulf removes the blanket and looks down, he can see blood staining the crotch of his pants. The doctor makes an understanding noise but he doesn't understand. She hands him a paper gown and pulls the curtain so he could change. She positions him on the table and begins her examination.

He thinks of anything else but what she's doing. Which just means that he's only thinking about Mew not being in the room with him. He bites his lip to stop the sob that wants to crawl up. She asks him questions about the pain and how he's been feeling

He answers what he can, tries to be honest about the pain he's been feeling lately. She seems somber at his answers but still gives him a comforting smile from time to time.

"Do you want your mate in here?" Gulf doesn't know if he does or not. Was Mew mad at him? "You might need the comfort." He did want Mew for comfort.

He gives a short nod and the doctor sends him another small smile. He had a bad feeling about this. 

Mew walks in a few moments later looking like every emotion was written on his face Gulf has no idea how to read them. His hands fist at the paper gown and he can hear the ripping.

Mew gently pries his hand away and laces their fingers together. Gulf feels his chest constrict. Mew doesn't look at him, jaw clenched. The doctor walks back in, papers in her hand.

"I am very sorry to inform you that you've had a miscarriage."

"Miscarriage," Gulf asks.

"Yes, that's what the pain has been and then today that was your body expecting the placenta and tissue."

Gulf removes his hand from Mews. "I lost the baby."

"Yes." A word has never sounded so loud in his ears before.

"Is it something I did?"

the doctor shakes her head placatingly. "There are many factors in these situations and no one way to know for sure but most of the time it's nature and there's nothing you could have done to prevent it."

Gulf feels empty like everything is going in slow motion. He lost the baby. He had really manifested it not to be and now he feels devastated. He hadn't actually wanted that to happen. He was coming to terms with. With being pregnant. At least he thought he was. But now he had ruined everything. It didn't matter that his doctor said it wasn't his fault, it sure felt like it was.

"It seems like your body has expelled most of the tissues as well so we'll keep you here for a little bit but you'll be free to go after that. Just keep an eye on your body and if something feels wrong contact us and we'll figure out the steps we need to take from there."

Gulf nods. He can hear Mew moving to sit in the seat next to him neither speaking as the doctor leaves. It feels arctic cold in the room, the disinfected smell clogging his nose. He couldn't look over to Mew for the guilt he felt and Mew stayed quiet off to the side. Gulf could hear the soft tapping of his phone every so often. 

It's silence the rest of the hospital trip, silence in the car, and silence as Gulf sits on the couch wearing sweat pants and a sweater that smells like him and not Mew and he can't tell if that was his doing or Mews but he's lost the ability to feel anything more for the night so he lets himself fall to the side and curled up on the couch. He felt full of every emotion but devoid of every feeling. 

Mew squats in front of him, looking at him with all of those emotions again. He was tired of that look, so very very tired.

"How are you feeling?"

What a stupid question. How should he be feeling? Empty. Lost. Alone. Cold. Broken. Such a Mew question. 

"Gulf?"

"Tired." He says finally.

Mew's face pinches together, eyebrows furrowed. "I talk to P'Best and he canceled your schedule for the next week. Mild said he'll watch the gossip but it shouldn't be anything to worry about."

He was still worried about it though. How could he not be? But he was less worried about the world and more about Mew. Gulf blinks at him.

Do you still want me?" His voice croaks.

Mew gulps and for the first time that night, he _could_ read Mew's emotions. Sadness. Sorrow. Pain. The tears pour down his face. "Of course I do."

Mew's hands move like they want to pull him close but they don't, Gulf makes no move to do anything but stare at them. 

"I let it slip though, our relationship." Gulf feels the tears building in his eyes. Mew's face is all wet from his own. The distance between them hurts.

"They would have found out eventually."

Gulf pulls his knees up to his chest, hands balled under his chin. "I killed our baby."

Mew's hand curls around his neck as he taps their foreheads together. "No, you didn't. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But you didn't do anything wrong. Not a single thing."

"You- .. you still want me?" It was desperate, Gulf felt desperate.

"I will always want you." Gulf reaches out a shaky hand to tug at Mews shirt. Mew kisses his forehead before climbing onto the couch with him. Mew's arms wrap around him, pulling him tight to his chest, nuzzling into the crown of his head. Gulf could feel the tears in his hair and pulls himself closer to his mate. The relief that fills his chest takes his breath away as he gasps into Mew's collarbone. Mew just curls around him tight, whispering to him.

"You did nothing wrong. I promise. I still love, will always love you, tue ang."

**Author's Note:**

> (Mew doesn't distance himself because he's made he does it because that's how he holds composure.)
> 
> You can yell at me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/kanasprout)


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